I have learned a lot of things since becoming a mom. Some of which I expected (how to change a diaper, when to burp a baby, everyone has an opinion), some of which I definitely did not expect. Here is a list of the top things I've learned that I never thought I'd have to know.
Babies can sweat. I don't know why I didn't think they could, but they can and now I know.
No one and I really do mean no one can argue like a 4 year-old. Someone should put them in charge of negotiations with terrorists or bank robbers or something because they would not take no for an answer.
The only time no means yes and yes may mean no is when it's coming from a one and a half year-old child. In that instance down can also mean up and up can also mean down. Life (and opposites in this instance) is confusing.
Movies and TV shows are just as engrossing the 3,463rd time as they were the first. DO NOT INTERRUPT! THEY MIGHT HAVE CHANGED THE ENDING! YOU DON'T KNOW!
Your words coming out of the mouth of a small child is a very eerie and unnerving experience.
The best toys and snacks are the ones that your sibling has. Even if yours is EXACTLY the same.
I now know how to tell the difference between child farts, child poops, and dog farts by smell alone. I am not proud of this fact.
Keep arguing even after you've gotten what you wanted. It frustrates everyone and that can be fun to watch I guess?
The best answer when I don't want to argue with a request is "maybe for your birthday" or "maybe for Christmas" these are somehow believable redirections. No will just lead to screaming and crying and endless repetitions of the request.
There is no "end of day" or "clocking out" this seems obvious but in the first few days of motherhood I found myself looking forward to 5 o'clock like the clock or time had any sort of meaning anymore. It does not. It just makes you sad.
Sure there are all kinds of things I've learned about myself, and life, and the nature of motherhood, but those are all serious and boring at the moment and I don't feel like writing them down. So instead here is this list that I may add to at another time.