So yeah, yesterday I was picking up my three kids from daycare (thank GOD they are still open) and my oldest just refused to get in the car. She used those deaf ears that kids use when their parent is asking them to do something they don't want to do and just ignored me. So I pulled out the tried and true mom move of yelling "Ok bye then! See you later!" Now, when I was a kid, I knew for an absolute certainty that my mother would never leave me anywhere, but whenever my mom would pull this move on me, there was a tiny voice inside my head that would say what if she means it this time. So I would snap to and run to catch up with her.
Not my kid. Oh no, not her.
She looked me straight in the eye (from about 15 feet away) and said, "Bye Mom!" and turned to her friend and said "I'm staying at school all night!" like it was this triumph.
In this moment I knew two things: one, that this child is going to be the death of me when she's a teenager (if I don't murder her before then), and two, she's probably going to be ok as an adult. She is an independent, stubborn little thing who knows what she wants and won't be bullied into anything else. Even if it's her mom just trying to get her to GET IN THE DAMN CAR SO WE CAN GO HOME PLEASE.
I thought about chasing her down, in front of all the other parents that were picking up there children and witnessing this display of 4-year-old attitude, but she's quick and I'm tired and the twins were already in the car. So instead I doubled down. I got in the car and turned it on. Again saying "bye! See you later." Still nothing. In my memory I can see a split second of concern on her face but I'm pretty sure that's my brain trying to make me feel better. Nope, she continues to do what she's doing.
Well now I'm committed. If I get out of the car and grab her, she will know that this was an empty threat and it will literally never work again in my life. So I mentally ran through the list of things that every parent has at hand, things to threaten to take away and things to be used for bribery. I came up empty. It was bath night so taking TV away wasn't an option and I've done enough bribery lately that she's begun to expect to get things every time she comes home.
So I keep going. I close the doors to the car (it's a minivan where I can open the side doors with a button on the dash, it is wonderful), put the car in gear and start to back up. Now there is actual concern that flashes across her face. She runs to the car, I put it in park and open the door for her. But the moment that door starts to move, she runs back to the sidewalk.
That.
Little.
Punk.
So I do it again. I close the doors, put the car in gear and back up. This time I make it halfway out of the parking spot before she runs to the door. I open the door and she gets in.
Remember, this whole thing went down in front of at least 10 parents picking up their children. So I'm pretty sure by now either I'm the legend who did what they want to do, or the worst parent ever and I should expect Child Protective Services to show up at my door any minute now. It's a coin toss between the two really.
Now I would like to say that she was appropriately chagrined about the whole encounter and was an angel all the way home and the rest of the day and we all went singing into the sunset skipping and holding hands but nope. I then had to fight her to sit in her carseat and not on the floor. And then I had to argue about the importance of seat belts. This child will either be a lawyer or one hell of a politician one day.
In the end I am grateful to have a kid that knows her own mind and won't be swayed. That will serve her well in life.
Also I like to think that this whole debacle shows that maybe, just maybe, I've done something ok as a parent. Maybe it shows that she knows that I will always be there for her and would never leave her abandoned by the side of a parking lot. Or maybe she's just too stubborn to listen. But I'm going to go with the former even if for no other reason than it makes me feel better.
(Seriously though I would never have left her in the parking lot. I have thought about it afterwards and I think I would have made it down the row and then stopped if she had been that stubborn. Just don't tell her that please. I don't need her to have that kind of knowledge just yet.)